Yoga Before Bed

I have been able to enjoy a lot of time on my yoga mat lately. I consider that to be a great gift. I usually am able to do yoga in the late morning and again at night before I go to bed. Tonight I held the poses for at least 3 minutes each and did around a 10 minute setubandha sarvangasana (bridge pose) sequence. Here is what I did:
child's pose/ balasanaack
adho mukha svanasana
vinyasa thru surya namaskar a
uttanasana legs as wide as mat head supported with block
with a roll in 2 positions. 1) step halfway on the roll with back half of arch and heel on rolled up blanket 2) front half of arch and ball of foot on rolled up blanket
sirsasana
setubandha sarvangasana on block. remove block, then parsva grabbing ankles on each side. knees bent first then straight
sarvangasana
baddhakonasana
bolster under lumbar for savasana.
I was reading Iyengar's hardback book tonight and he said "When I was young, I used to play, Now I stay"
So, in my own practice I've had the opportunity to work on the subtler aspects of the asanas, refining them like gold. I have recently had a tweaky knee, so in the inversions, I work on Iyengar's series, as given in Light on Yoga, which elongate the spine and the thighs, leg muscles and strengthen upper body. They also do a great job with digestion. It feels good to be with my own practice. Being a tree. Transplanted on my own into the sun. Om Shanti.

A Poem

i am the rivers, the purple crested sunsets, the four winds unleashed with fury into crescendo.
blazing orange fire, rocks and clay.
the moon bow and it's reflection.
a dream and insomnia.
the movement and the energy.
inertia and chronos.
a delicious sustenance and dissatisfied famine.
terrible and wondrous.
all the world reflects in me and it makes me confused because i forget the remembering.

Cheap Date

I have started to see that another great gift of yoga is freedom from rampant consumerism...
Last week, my husband and I went on a spontaneous date. A cheap one at that. We decided to go to Oliver's, a local pay by the hour pool hall off Dutchman's Lane in the Ville. With two cokes, and hour of pool for the 2 of us ended up being around $8. They have nice, tournament tables and varying prices throughout the week. Before we played pool, we went to a local Mexican restaurant, Bazo's Mexican Grill. The tab there was under $14 for dinner for the both of us. So, after dinner and a hour of pool, we spent around $25. Also, these places are both locally owned and operated businesses, which are very worthy and important to support. My husband and I have made the decision to support our local economy and try to purchase local products as much as possible.
I shop at local Farmer's Markets, locally owned Paul's fruit market, local restaurants, go to a local mechanic instead of a big corporate dealership, and purchase other local products when available. It's about choices. If I don't agree with big business philosophies, then the best thing for me to do is to put my money where my mouth is and to stop supporting things I don't agree with and support the things I do agree with.
I was talking to a friend last week about Yoga being a grass roots effort. It requires people to take small steps to improve their own lives. When we feel helpless, like what we have to offer doesn't make a difference, we can take action. Start by recycling, walking more and driving less, shopping locally, buying products which have traveled a shorter distance to get to you. These are all small ideas which help the earth in a great big way. Think globally, start locally!

So Many Changes

My life has been changing. Of course, change is always occurring, I shed old things that I don't need and room appears for what I need at the time. When the universe pushes me, yanks me, pulls me kicking and screaming (well, at least not as much or as long as I used to) in another direction, there is sometimes confusion, pain, an overwhelming sensation of fear. It's important for me to recognize my own true progress in this area. I am resilient now. I am strong and I don't let things keep me down. I bounce back. I have learned how to do this from Yoga. It's not something I was just born with; patience and other virtues have been hard to come by. With the awareness of Yoga, I have been gifted with more of the tendencies that bring me to my authentic, loving self. The self that doesn't want things to be different. The self that is accepting. Loving Kindness. It's important for me to see where I have been in my Yoga practice.
I began about 6 years ago and I was overweight, I smoked, I worked at a very high stress job. I hated life and myself. I had no energy. I was mean and hateful, most of all I was unhappy with myself.
My whole life and outlook upon it has changed. I attribute it to the awareness I have received from my Yoga practice. I have gained a sense of self acceptance and joy. I am enjoying the small things that I took for granted for a long time. I am excited about continuing to learn and watching my path unfold.
Awareness is the key. I am looking forward to the new gifts coming in to my life and not regretting the things that are no longer there. My practice has truly shown me that "Your Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy. And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons of that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief." - Kahlil Gibran
I have been able to step back, assess and see things as they are, being right in the moment. It is the only moment- a wonderful moment!

Not Letting Decrease Sense of I

Today, I am considering the idea that my teacher Ramanand constantly brings up when I study with him in his Yoga classes: "Do not let anything decrease your sense of I" meaning, nothing on the outside so be able to diminish one's adequacy and true nature and thoughts about one's self. This idea is a simple one, yet hard to always remember because of the mind's nature of attachment to outside things for self identification. When these thoughts arise, I must remember that I am not my stuff, not my house, or my marriage, or my job or the amount of money I make- That my essence is perfection and wholeness and bliss. Supreme shimmering consciousness. Not tying my identity to outside things makes me question, "well, who am I really then?". According to my teacher, this should always be the question. Of course, intellectual knowledge and knowledge to the marrow of the bones are two totally different things. My current understanding is this: I am a limited being by nature of my mind, body, sense complex. I love and have an affinity for nature, my nature is living this life and hopefully with the least amount of rubbing up against everything else. I have limited understanding and am constantly receiving knowledge through perceptions.
Then, I realized that it's ok to just be. be in the moment. This is where "I" really am. Pattabhi Jois, the Ashtanga lineage guru, said "practice, and all is coming". when doing your yoga, only doing yoga. when chanting, only chanting. when eating, only eating. i actually saw a little girl about 10 on her bike with an ipod, she didn't know i was there because she obviously couldn't hear me. she was right behind my car in our driveway. it seems that the more technology we have and more sensory stimulation we get, the more we try to do too many things at once. there was another kid on a bike texting! i have been savoring being in the moment and not having to do five hundred things at once. This gets me to who I am and not what I do.

Yoga= seeing God in everyone

One of my friends said the other day- "I believe that if you squeezed everyone hard enough, God will pop out". I think that's a great way to connect to others. In Yoga, we say "Namaste" as a greeting. We bring our hands in prayer position in front of our hearts to symbolize the unity of the right and left sides of the body, and also uniting feeling and intellect. The meaning of the greeting is: That which I hold as the most sacred part of myself (or the God inside of me) recognizes and honors that miraculous, divine (or the God inside you) vast place inside of you.
Taking the time to honor someone else and to really search objectively for the God inside someone else helps to center me. It means being truly in the moment.
Deep, cultivated respect for others (adara kari) and a true interest of being of service (seva) is a great gift that I have been given from my Yoga practice. When that connection is made between another living being and myself, there is that glance of true shimmering consciousness that is my true nature, often veiled by the body-mind-sense complex and my misunderstanding of who i am. I am the Whole, Purnam- the all expansive ocean, my physical form is temporary and limited, but I am not. True nature is limitless, unhindered by time and space. Om Shanti. Peace, perfect peace.

a new day

inspired continuously by fellow writers, to continue my blog. i am definitely a novice, but enjoy writing nonetheless.
i had an interesting conversation with a student who used to be scared of me. i am glad that she stuck around and i didn't run her off... i think the longer i teach, the more confident i become with this practice. i actually love my students, they become the beloved. i wish i could allow this to spill over into all of my thought and feelings, interactions in life. to be right in the moment, to be adequate and enough. not to be, because i am, but to really believe it and embrace it. the quality of purnam, being included in all that is whole and complete and perfect and enough. i know my teaching style is either love it or hate it. there will either be a drawing towards it or a strong aversion, this style comes from teachers i have studied with so their influence cannot be denied. it is important to recognize that it is unnecessary to like a teacher, but can you obtain the necessary knowledge from them about yourself. it is the teacher's job to give you information, and the student's job to assimilate. don't get caught up in like or dislike. it is irrelevant. a student told me she liked me last night, and i told her that was good i like her too, but it makes no difference really. i will still teach someone even if i don't like them and i have begin to think less and less in those terms. like and dislike- just brain discriminating and categorizing, departmentalizing. is the information correct, does it help me? these are the important questions, as you will receive information even if you don't like it. liking a teacher can also be distracting. i know i need to be around my teachers and guru, but to be around them too much can be distracting. some teachers, i would hang out with, and others i wouldn't even dream of it. i need to find my own way, that's nothing anyone else can give me. at my teacher, ramanand's advice, i am insisting on being happy and that is not determined by my likes and dislikes. sometimes, it still is from an external standpoint, but yoga teaches us to be steadfast in wisdom, eqinimity- evenness of mind no matter what the circumstances, like tadasana- a big strong mountain, steady and unmoving, unshakable with a beautiful shimmering lake below reflecting our existence and shimmering consciousness.

Love Life

It's been awhile since I sat down to write, feeling good this morning although tight and with a wish for just a tad more time in the bed! cold and wintery out, but the silence of the snow is stunning. i guess that's why meditators seek it out. i have been enjoying our windchimes outside while it's been so snowy, as the sounds calm and sway me and they interplay with the silence and the wind. I began reading more this year as a passion, since it was something i used to do tons when i was younger and then got distracted, i'm back reading a couple books a week which i am very pleased about. my guru says it's most important to read spiritual texts, which i study in addition to other spiritual books and guilty pleasures of the murder mystery and vampire (since i have read the first 3 twilight, i feel obligated to read the last one. she's no anne rice that's for sure. reading ishmael again by daniel quinn and wasn't for some odd reason able to get thru it the first couple of times i started reading it, and since my husband thinks it's the greatest book, he always keeps a copy on hand to pass along to one of our friends and fellow light seekers. the book challenges everything our culture and society tells us. quinn refers to being lulled to sleep by mother culture" he refers to givers and takers, and the religious messages that the world was made for man! that we do whatever in the hell we damn well please and obviously with disastrous results. my teacher ramanand patel talks about us systematically destroying the earth about us. i try to do what i can in my own little world, but realize that i am only one person but i hope somehow i make a contribution in this capacity. also we have begun our yoga sutras study group and have had a lot of interest and attendance. i love being in a group of like minded folks studying what i think is the most important spiritual text considering it describes yoga as the subject in immense detail. we spent 2 hours talking about atha which has many meanings but is used as "NOW". i'm always up for a good philosophical discussion. i will be giving my yoga demonstration this weekend and am really getting nervous. it's the first actual planned one i've done. i have done a few impromtu ones but the planning and knowing makes me cringe. the body is different on all days, so it's been a challenge deciding what i want to do. my body has been opened up through yoga so unbelievably, sometimes i can't even believe the things my body can do. it is the greatest boon ever been bestowed upon me, and the shaktipat given to me by my guru and others. i know i am a adhi kari, one worthy of learning yoga. this gives me great refuge and hope. i am looking forward to teaching today even if it's cold, i love my students. teaching has made me an aware, more compassionate person. it has opened up my heart to empathize with others, i know why my life was so disgustingly hard and why things happened in the ways they did when i was younger. it was all cooking me down for teaching. so my ego could be stilled and isvara shining thru me. there has been no greater gift in my life. when i am teaching, all thought other than the task at hand is stilled, there are no thoughts about myself and what i want, only love, pure love. now, i am not like this all the time, but i sure hope to be able to carry over my practice and teaching into everything i do, say and touch. feels good to write. xo

Have You Ever?

Have you ever touched someone or something and you could still feel it after the actual contact was over? I was getting off Grinstead exit where there was a homeless man with a sign. Usually I get all fidgety and my discomfort overtakes me. I look every where but at the person, this is also the case when there are people taking donations for causes. First, I don't have a ton of money and what little we do have goes to pay the bills. I try to be grateful for everything we are and have, we are so lucky and our life is filled to the gills with grace. Secondly, I don't donate money to things I don't agree with, i.e. religious organizations, etc. I work really hard to put my money where my mouth is. Soooo, I felt that old yucky discomfort starting to well up. It was cold, the man had a sign that read "Homeless, Need help". I took all the change on my dash, the little I had and I don't usually carry much cash so I gave him what I had. Now, he at first was a shoe looker, I know a lot about that. I used to be a shoe looker, filled with shame and guilt and self hate, embarrassment, etc. When I wound my window down, he came towards me and continued the shoe gaze, then when I handed him the money, I felt and saw God- Isvara. He looked into my eyes after the exchange. Originally his eyes had been overcast, almost cateracty looking, glazed over, sad- so unbelievably suffering. Then they cleared up, they were the clearest, iciest blue eyes I've ever even seen. He became an eye person then. See, I have been homeless in my life and people helped me until I was able to help myself. Not just with money but with not being invisible. If you already have bad feelings about yourself and you're invisible too there is too much compounding. When something makes me uncomfortable, I ask myself why. In this case, I could not avoid giving the gift, that's what happens when you start to give, it becomes contagious. This year, thanks to one of my friends and Yoga students passed along a copy of 29 Days of Giving: how a Month of Giving can Change Your Life. My mission is to dissolve the suffering of humanity, all living beings with my love and giving. The grace that has been bestowed upon me is a precious gift, but also a great responsibility. Like being given a Mantra, it is a great responsibility to be cherished and expounded upon. I thank God I am not a shoe looker anymore, that I can look myself and others in the eyes, that is also a gift. It is only because of God that I am here and I am a servant, the highest attainment of life, to be of service to God and others- seva selfless service. Much Love is in this Terrain, sometimes you just have to dig it up out of yourself and out of others by example. Om Namah Shivaya, Shri Guru Namaha, Hari Om!

Reading something each day

Lately, I have been reading every day. This is something I used to do, and then somehow got so busy I did not feel like I had time to do it. Like all things, one must make time for those things that are important and when I commit it helps the space and time be created. Hopefully, my decision to pick back up the viola will force my lovely husband to create space in the office and get all the 500 school books and piles of notes out of my way! So, I have been reading each day. Something from my Guru, Shri Swami Dayananda, and others. Spiritual reading helps me to get centered. I also do have guilty pleasure reads! I was a nerd in school and by the time I was in 2nd grade, I was reading on a highschool level. I had a special reading time assigned to me and would read and read. Most of the time, I would read a couple hundred pages a day- this is when I was 7. My mom would always get books for me and I went to the library at school too. Then, when I got older, I had some addiction problems that robbed me of all things I loved to do. After being off all that for 8 years now after sruggling since I had been 21, now I'm 33 and continue to add all those things back in and more of the things I did and want to do. The space and time are there and I have jumped in with both feet. No more wasting time, I did all that when I was younger. Currently, I am studying (and will be forever) Yoga Sutras, 29 Days of Giving, It's a Wonderful Life, it just takes PRACTICE! Reading fills me up and helps me not to think about myself and problems, etc. My guru says all the spiritual practices are great. But, the real deal is reading the words of the rishis and sages. This is so you can have an understanding of the truth- Atma, Purnam. you are the whole. not separate. object and subject at same time. Purnam! shri guru namah hari om!

Finding My Guru and Studying Yoga Sutras

I had been seeking a spiritual teacher with knowledge, a guru. I took Laura's recommendation and went to Yoga and Sound at Arsha Vidya Gurukulum, Swami Dayananda's ashram in the U.S. to study with him, Ramanand Patel and Mukesh Desai. Laura had told me he was the foremost Vedanta teacher in the world and going to meet him was like getting to meet the pope. I guess until one really begins to become a student of the ancient texts, for myself- I couldn't say I was really grasping Yoga and the roots of the tree.
While waiting for the first sangha, which is a community meeting, where you listen to the speaker and he may take questions, to begin, I was in the corridor outside the temple getting a drink of water as I heard someone say "Swamiji! He is coming!". I turned around and the only thing I could see was my Guru's shimmering face. We both linked hands, I couldn't speak, like a great weight and lightness all at the same time in my chest and throat, no thinking, Power of the Universe and Consciousness there, I fell to my knees (which I had never bowed to anyone) and he put his hand on my head, pulled me up and said "come". I followed him into the temple and I took my seat. I have never questioned our connection, he knows all my secrets and things I don't tell anyone. I trust him completely. They have a great bookstore at this ashram. It is such a gem and years of labored love. They record Swamiji's orations and those are also amazing. This year, I returned to the same retreat and purchased a phenomenal amount of books and cds's, mp3's...I want to share with you my love of the studies of Yoga, in a like minded community.
The plan is this: Starting Thursday January 28th a group of Yoga students meet every other Thursday during lunchtime from 12-1 or so starting , You may bring a "non-smelly", Vegetarian (no meat in studios) lunch for yourself, maybe we'll have some tea or lemonade, we'll listen to the sanghas, you can bring any translation and here is where you can get a free copy by googling Yoga Sutras and there are a myriad of translations, we can compare and discuss our experience. This will be a free class, furthering Yoga East's vision of continuing to bring Yoga and it's benefits to all in our community...Come, come whoever you are, wanderer, idolator, worshiper of fire. Come, even if you've broken your vows a thousand times. Come, and come yet again. Ours is not a caravan of despair...Rumi

Cooking and Baking

I love to cook. I loved my Nanny so much when I was little (and I still love her although now she's part of the energy of the world), she taught me how to cook and it's something that I enjoy immensely. Culinary journey for today: Making pear bread and I'll put my own tweak on it. A recipe is a guide, you know and there are so many possibilities. I got a recipe online and will be adding my own stuff to spice it up. Last night I made "shelley beans" or shell out beans. Being a vegetarian, I am always trying to come up with new stuff to add to the repertoire. I don't like making everything with soy-meat. I am a vegetarian, not a meat replacer. Now, sometimes, I will add "soyrizo" or another product, don't get me wrong- I love my no-sloppy joe's, but not every day, plus there is the danger of too much soy as a vegetarian which alters/ raises estrogen levels.
My mother had breast cancer, now in remission, so I have to be extra careful. My grandmother had cancer too, and died from it. That was one of the hardest things to go through as a human- so much pain for her, and so much pain and sorrow for our family. I clean my Papouli's house (grandfather in Greek), and he still has my grandmother's ashes on the mantle with a shrine. There are dried flowers for her memorial- He even has a burial site, but refuses to put her there until he is gone as well. I have a pact with him that I am to mix them together. I'll take some to the burial site and the rest to some secret places which he and I have agreed upon. One thing is, and I know this sounds strange, but as you know I don't care, I channel her when I cook. I remember days of cooking and baking with her after faking sick to get out of school. That woman had some style. Wish those reality cooking shows were on before, she'd have wiped them out! I can only hope that when this world and Isvara have a finished product with me, that I am half as good as my Nanny was. My Papouli gave me her wedding ring which she wore for over 50 years, I don't care about material bobbles and bangles- it;s just a simple band, and she also left me all her recipes. She had recipes from the 40's and 50's cut out of old magazines and off labels. I miss my Nanny terribly, so I'm going to put my hands in some ingredients and bake this bread!

Enjoying the Yoga Sutras

I have decided to begin studying the Yoga Sutras, not just reading them, but searching for the meaning. I have some MP3s that I got at Arsha Vidya Gurukulum (which is one of the ashrams of my guru, Shri Swami Dayananda Saraswati). He reminds me of the truth of myself: a conscious being which is limited by my body-mind-sense complex. Recently I rededicated myself to my studies so that I am scheduling time for myself to do this. I tend to be undisciplined, so I need a schedule! I am working my way thru a million books and listening to my guru. I plan to start a Yoga Sutras study group at Yoga East so that like minded people may gather together in common interest of truth being revealed. I am enjoying the snow today. I love the silence in the snow, the crunch of it under my step, listening to my windchimes in it and watching the dogs revel in it! except Daisy Mae, the beagle, who desperately wants her sweater on! Flaggy, our border collie corgi mix, rolls in it, runs, cools his belly in it. We are also watching my dad's dog, Josh and he's a jack russell- they are a little "interesting" as one of my friends would say, another version of "bless your heart"- so at first, he barked at it, then decided he liked it and ran around in circles until he wore himself out! The start of a new class begins tonight- I look forward to meeting some new students and possibly seeing some regulars. Hopefully there won't be too much traffic with all the snow since people turn suddenly brilliant when there's water of any state on the roads!

today was a great day

today, i woke up, listened to a bit of chanting and went to teach. i took my first sewing class today and it is really cool. the teacher is great and i am learning patience. it takes a lot of patience to learn how to sew. i was surprised with what all goes into it. i found some pretty fabric and am making some pj pants to start. my mom gifted me with a new computerized sewing machine for xmas and also a few lessons. i am continuing my theme of giving, no matter what- give that loving kindness. i have had my Ganesha tattoo worked on this weekend, the shading is done and it's coming along. i'll have to sit again to get the color and then the white. with it, i feel transformation creeping in! Ganesha is an avatar of Vishnu (the sustainer) He is most commonly known as the remover of obstacles. It is also symbolic because I Vishnu and Shiva worship each other and Shiva is known as the God of the Yogis. also
got my viola tuned and am going to try it out tomorrow. i sliced my pinky finger open last week and am still working on it's healing. sunday, i taught class at the y and my gift to some of my students was to get to violinists that i had met during the summer to play for class. it was awesome. these 2 violinists are brothers and part of a very musically inclined family- there are 12 kids and almost all of them play! I asked their mom how she raised such a talented bunch and she told me God did it- of course! when i met them. they were walking down the road- i pulled over and asked them to play for me- they brought tears to my eyes it was so beautiful. i tell you, music is the sound of Isvara, God, Atman. No doubt can it completely realign the cells. i am loving my mind filled with giving. even small things make people feel better. just acknowledging them; that way they are not invisible. so many people are and feel invisible to the world, my goal is to bring them light- Gopala!

Beautiful Durga

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/89/S344_durga-idol-golden.png

first class of the new year

Class this morning was great. we are off to a great start. the themes are about giving and also that balance is not really something that's important. spiritual seeking is and i don't want to do anything in balance with that, everything i do i want to be seeking my higher consciousness and the discipline to obtain that is relentless, there is NO balance to it. I recently started studying the yoga sutras in more serious, painstaking detail. My guru, Swami Dayananda Saraswati http://www.arshavidya.org/teachers_SWAMIJI.html
has many, many books and recordings of all of his talks. there is mr. gupta g there to record his every word at satsang. when i was at the ashram last year, i purchased so many books and mp3s, cds and am working my way slowly thru them. i realize to take my time so the information is assimilated. my goal is to have it all read and at least listened to by the time i go back this year. i have several months and love to read and listen to him because of his crystal clarity, so it shouldn't be too difficult. as he pointed out, we need the discipline and my own growth is in my hands, one has to make it happen. the whole shastra (body of works or book) of the Yoga Sutras focuses on this growth and making things happen even though it is very difficult. one must create themselves in situations where growth cannot but take place. he also points out that uninhibited compassion is our true nature. Sadgurunath Maharaj ki Jay!