Have You Ever?

Have you ever touched someone or something and you could still feel it after the actual contact was over? I was getting off Grinstead exit where there was a homeless man with a sign. Usually I get all fidgety and my discomfort overtakes me. I look every where but at the person, this is also the case when there are people taking donations for causes. First, I don't have a ton of money and what little we do have goes to pay the bills. I try to be grateful for everything we are and have, we are so lucky and our life is filled to the gills with grace. Secondly, I don't donate money to things I don't agree with, i.e. religious organizations, etc. I work really hard to put my money where my mouth is. Soooo, I felt that old yucky discomfort starting to well up. It was cold, the man had a sign that read "Homeless, Need help". I took all the change on my dash, the little I had and I don't usually carry much cash so I gave him what I had. Now, he at first was a shoe looker, I know a lot about that. I used to be a shoe looker, filled with shame and guilt and self hate, embarrassment, etc. When I wound my window down, he came towards me and continued the shoe gaze, then when I handed him the money, I felt and saw God- Isvara. He looked into my eyes after the exchange. Originally his eyes had been overcast, almost cateracty looking, glazed over, sad- so unbelievably suffering. Then they cleared up, they were the clearest, iciest blue eyes I've ever even seen. He became an eye person then. See, I have been homeless in my life and people helped me until I was able to help myself. Not just with money but with not being invisible. If you already have bad feelings about yourself and you're invisible too there is too much compounding. When something makes me uncomfortable, I ask myself why. In this case, I could not avoid giving the gift, that's what happens when you start to give, it becomes contagious. This year, thanks to one of my friends and Yoga students passed along a copy of 29 Days of Giving: how a Month of Giving can Change Your Life. My mission is to dissolve the suffering of humanity, all living beings with my love and giving. The grace that has been bestowed upon me is a precious gift, but also a great responsibility. Like being given a Mantra, it is a great responsibility to be cherished and expounded upon. I thank God I am not a shoe looker anymore, that I can look myself and others in the eyes, that is also a gift. It is only because of God that I am here and I am a servant, the highest attainment of life, to be of service to God and others- seva selfless service. Much Love is in this Terrain, sometimes you just have to dig it up out of yourself and out of others by example. Om Namah Shivaya, Shri Guru Namaha, Hari Om!

Reading something each day

Lately, I have been reading every day. This is something I used to do, and then somehow got so busy I did not feel like I had time to do it. Like all things, one must make time for those things that are important and when I commit it helps the space and time be created. Hopefully, my decision to pick back up the viola will force my lovely husband to create space in the office and get all the 500 school books and piles of notes out of my way! So, I have been reading each day. Something from my Guru, Shri Swami Dayananda, and others. Spiritual reading helps me to get centered. I also do have guilty pleasure reads! I was a nerd in school and by the time I was in 2nd grade, I was reading on a highschool level. I had a special reading time assigned to me and would read and read. Most of the time, I would read a couple hundred pages a day- this is when I was 7. My mom would always get books for me and I went to the library at school too. Then, when I got older, I had some addiction problems that robbed me of all things I loved to do. After being off all that for 8 years now after sruggling since I had been 21, now I'm 33 and continue to add all those things back in and more of the things I did and want to do. The space and time are there and I have jumped in with both feet. No more wasting time, I did all that when I was younger. Currently, I am studying (and will be forever) Yoga Sutras, 29 Days of Giving, It's a Wonderful Life, it just takes PRACTICE! Reading fills me up and helps me not to think about myself and problems, etc. My guru says all the spiritual practices are great. But, the real deal is reading the words of the rishis and sages. This is so you can have an understanding of the truth- Atma, Purnam. you are the whole. not separate. object and subject at same time. Purnam! shri guru namah hari om!

Finding My Guru and Studying Yoga Sutras

I had been seeking a spiritual teacher with knowledge, a guru. I took Laura's recommendation and went to Yoga and Sound at Arsha Vidya Gurukulum, Swami Dayananda's ashram in the U.S. to study with him, Ramanand Patel and Mukesh Desai. Laura had told me he was the foremost Vedanta teacher in the world and going to meet him was like getting to meet the pope. I guess until one really begins to become a student of the ancient texts, for myself- I couldn't say I was really grasping Yoga and the roots of the tree.
While waiting for the first sangha, which is a community meeting, where you listen to the speaker and he may take questions, to begin, I was in the corridor outside the temple getting a drink of water as I heard someone say "Swamiji! He is coming!". I turned around and the only thing I could see was my Guru's shimmering face. We both linked hands, I couldn't speak, like a great weight and lightness all at the same time in my chest and throat, no thinking, Power of the Universe and Consciousness there, I fell to my knees (which I had never bowed to anyone) and he put his hand on my head, pulled me up and said "come". I followed him into the temple and I took my seat. I have never questioned our connection, he knows all my secrets and things I don't tell anyone. I trust him completely. They have a great bookstore at this ashram. It is such a gem and years of labored love. They record Swamiji's orations and those are also amazing. This year, I returned to the same retreat and purchased a phenomenal amount of books and cds's, mp3's...I want to share with you my love of the studies of Yoga, in a like minded community.
The plan is this: Starting Thursday January 28th a group of Yoga students meet every other Thursday during lunchtime from 12-1 or so starting , You may bring a "non-smelly", Vegetarian (no meat in studios) lunch for yourself, maybe we'll have some tea or lemonade, we'll listen to the sanghas, you can bring any translation and here is where you can get a free copy by googling Yoga Sutras and there are a myriad of translations, we can compare and discuss our experience. This will be a free class, furthering Yoga East's vision of continuing to bring Yoga and it's benefits to all in our community...Come, come whoever you are, wanderer, idolator, worshiper of fire. Come, even if you've broken your vows a thousand times. Come, and come yet again. Ours is not a caravan of despair...Rumi

Cooking and Baking

I love to cook. I loved my Nanny so much when I was little (and I still love her although now she's part of the energy of the world), she taught me how to cook and it's something that I enjoy immensely. Culinary journey for today: Making pear bread and I'll put my own tweak on it. A recipe is a guide, you know and there are so many possibilities. I got a recipe online and will be adding my own stuff to spice it up. Last night I made "shelley beans" or shell out beans. Being a vegetarian, I am always trying to come up with new stuff to add to the repertoire. I don't like making everything with soy-meat. I am a vegetarian, not a meat replacer. Now, sometimes, I will add "soyrizo" or another product, don't get me wrong- I love my no-sloppy joe's, but not every day, plus there is the danger of too much soy as a vegetarian which alters/ raises estrogen levels.
My mother had breast cancer, now in remission, so I have to be extra careful. My grandmother had cancer too, and died from it. That was one of the hardest things to go through as a human- so much pain for her, and so much pain and sorrow for our family. I clean my Papouli's house (grandfather in Greek), and he still has my grandmother's ashes on the mantle with a shrine. There are dried flowers for her memorial- He even has a burial site, but refuses to put her there until he is gone as well. I have a pact with him that I am to mix them together. I'll take some to the burial site and the rest to some secret places which he and I have agreed upon. One thing is, and I know this sounds strange, but as you know I don't care, I channel her when I cook. I remember days of cooking and baking with her after faking sick to get out of school. That woman had some style. Wish those reality cooking shows were on before, she'd have wiped them out! I can only hope that when this world and Isvara have a finished product with me, that I am half as good as my Nanny was. My Papouli gave me her wedding ring which she wore for over 50 years, I don't care about material bobbles and bangles- it;s just a simple band, and she also left me all her recipes. She had recipes from the 40's and 50's cut out of old magazines and off labels. I miss my Nanny terribly, so I'm going to put my hands in some ingredients and bake this bread!

Enjoying the Yoga Sutras

I have decided to begin studying the Yoga Sutras, not just reading them, but searching for the meaning. I have some MP3s that I got at Arsha Vidya Gurukulum (which is one of the ashrams of my guru, Shri Swami Dayananda Saraswati). He reminds me of the truth of myself: a conscious being which is limited by my body-mind-sense complex. Recently I rededicated myself to my studies so that I am scheduling time for myself to do this. I tend to be undisciplined, so I need a schedule! I am working my way thru a million books and listening to my guru. I plan to start a Yoga Sutras study group at Yoga East so that like minded people may gather together in common interest of truth being revealed. I am enjoying the snow today. I love the silence in the snow, the crunch of it under my step, listening to my windchimes in it and watching the dogs revel in it! except Daisy Mae, the beagle, who desperately wants her sweater on! Flaggy, our border collie corgi mix, rolls in it, runs, cools his belly in it. We are also watching my dad's dog, Josh and he's a jack russell- they are a little "interesting" as one of my friends would say, another version of "bless your heart"- so at first, he barked at it, then decided he liked it and ran around in circles until he wore himself out! The start of a new class begins tonight- I look forward to meeting some new students and possibly seeing some regulars. Hopefully there won't be too much traffic with all the snow since people turn suddenly brilliant when there's water of any state on the roads!

today was a great day

today, i woke up, listened to a bit of chanting and went to teach. i took my first sewing class today and it is really cool. the teacher is great and i am learning patience. it takes a lot of patience to learn how to sew. i was surprised with what all goes into it. i found some pretty fabric and am making some pj pants to start. my mom gifted me with a new computerized sewing machine for xmas and also a few lessons. i am continuing my theme of giving, no matter what- give that loving kindness. i have had my Ganesha tattoo worked on this weekend, the shading is done and it's coming along. i'll have to sit again to get the color and then the white. with it, i feel transformation creeping in! Ganesha is an avatar of Vishnu (the sustainer) He is most commonly known as the remover of obstacles. It is also symbolic because I Vishnu and Shiva worship each other and Shiva is known as the God of the Yogis. also
got my viola tuned and am going to try it out tomorrow. i sliced my pinky finger open last week and am still working on it's healing. sunday, i taught class at the y and my gift to some of my students was to get to violinists that i had met during the summer to play for class. it was awesome. these 2 violinists are brothers and part of a very musically inclined family- there are 12 kids and almost all of them play! I asked their mom how she raised such a talented bunch and she told me God did it- of course! when i met them. they were walking down the road- i pulled over and asked them to play for me- they brought tears to my eyes it was so beautiful. i tell you, music is the sound of Isvara, God, Atman. No doubt can it completely realign the cells. i am loving my mind filled with giving. even small things make people feel better. just acknowledging them; that way they are not invisible. so many people are and feel invisible to the world, my goal is to bring them light- Gopala!

Beautiful Durga

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/89/S344_durga-idol-golden.png

first class of the new year

Class this morning was great. we are off to a great start. the themes are about giving and also that balance is not really something that's important. spiritual seeking is and i don't want to do anything in balance with that, everything i do i want to be seeking my higher consciousness and the discipline to obtain that is relentless, there is NO balance to it. I recently started studying the yoga sutras in more serious, painstaking detail. My guru, Swami Dayananda Saraswati http://www.arshavidya.org/teachers_SWAMIJI.html
has many, many books and recordings of all of his talks. there is mr. gupta g there to record his every word at satsang. when i was at the ashram last year, i purchased so many books and mp3s, cds and am working my way slowly thru them. i realize to take my time so the information is assimilated. my goal is to have it all read and at least listened to by the time i go back this year. i have several months and love to read and listen to him because of his crystal clarity, so it shouldn't be too difficult. as he pointed out, we need the discipline and my own growth is in my hands, one has to make it happen. the whole shastra (body of works or book) of the Yoga Sutras focuses on this growth and making things happen even though it is very difficult. one must create themselves in situations where growth cannot but take place. he also points out that uninhibited compassion is our true nature. Sadgurunath Maharaj ki Jay!