Have You Ever?

Have you ever touched someone or something and you could still feel it after the actual contact was over? I was getting off Grinstead exit where there was a homeless man with a sign. Usually I get all fidgety and my discomfort overtakes me. I look every where but at the person, this is also the case when there are people taking donations for causes. First, I don't have a ton of money and what little we do have goes to pay the bills. I try to be grateful for everything we are and have, we are so lucky and our life is filled to the gills with grace. Secondly, I don't donate money to things I don't agree with, i.e. religious organizations, etc. I work really hard to put my money where my mouth is. Soooo, I felt that old yucky discomfort starting to well up. It was cold, the man had a sign that read "Homeless, Need help". I took all the change on my dash, the little I had and I don't usually carry much cash so I gave him what I had. Now, he at first was a shoe looker, I know a lot about that. I used to be a shoe looker, filled with shame and guilt and self hate, embarrassment, etc. When I wound my window down, he came towards me and continued the shoe gaze, then when I handed him the money, I felt and saw God- Isvara. He looked into my eyes after the exchange. Originally his eyes had been overcast, almost cateracty looking, glazed over, sad- so unbelievably suffering. Then they cleared up, they were the clearest, iciest blue eyes I've ever even seen. He became an eye person then. See, I have been homeless in my life and people helped me until I was able to help myself. Not just with money but with not being invisible. If you already have bad feelings about yourself and you're invisible too there is too much compounding. When something makes me uncomfortable, I ask myself why. In this case, I could not avoid giving the gift, that's what happens when you start to give, it becomes contagious. This year, thanks to one of my friends and Yoga students passed along a copy of 29 Days of Giving: how a Month of Giving can Change Your Life. My mission is to dissolve the suffering of humanity, all living beings with my love and giving. The grace that has been bestowed upon me is a precious gift, but also a great responsibility. Like being given a Mantra, it is a great responsibility to be cherished and expounded upon. I thank God I am not a shoe looker anymore, that I can look myself and others in the eyes, that is also a gift. It is only because of God that I am here and I am a servant, the highest attainment of life, to be of service to God and others- seva selfless service. Much Love is in this Terrain, sometimes you just have to dig it up out of yourself and out of others by example. Om Namah Shivaya, Shri Guru Namaha, Hari Om!