Today, I am considering the idea that my teacher Ramanand constantly brings up when I study with him in his Yoga classes: "Do not let anything decrease your sense of I" meaning, nothing on the outside so be able to diminish one's adequacy and true nature and thoughts about one's self. This idea is a simple one, yet hard to always remember because of the mind's nature of attachment to outside things for self identification. When these thoughts arise, I must remember that I am not my stuff, not my house, or my marriage, or my job or the amount of money I make- That my essence is perfection and wholeness and bliss. Supreme shimmering consciousness. Not tying my identity to outside things makes me question, "well, who am I really then?". According to my teacher, this should always be the question. Of course, intellectual knowledge and knowledge to the marrow of the bones are two totally different things. My current understanding is this: I am a limited being by nature of my mind, body, sense complex. I love and have an affinity for nature, my nature is living this life and hopefully with the least amount of rubbing up against everything else. I have limited understanding and am constantly receiving knowledge through perceptions.
Then, I realized that it's ok to just be. be in the moment. This is where "I" really am. Pattabhi Jois, the Ashtanga lineage guru, said "practice, and all is coming". when doing your yoga, only doing yoga. when chanting, only chanting. when eating, only eating. i actually saw a little girl about 10 on her bike with an ipod, she didn't know i was there because she obviously couldn't hear me. she was right behind my car in our driveway. it seems that the more technology we have and more sensory stimulation we get, the more we try to do too many things at once. there was another kid on a bike texting! i have been savoring being in the moment and not having to do five hundred things at once. This gets me to who I am and not what I do.
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